Just how do we sum someone up?

Recently, at a friend's dinner party, I settled in the kitchen with a few other guests to keep her company as she finished up making the Paella. As she worked, we munched on chewy bread which we drenched in her delicious red peppers swimming in olive oil and garlic. We laughed and talked over glasses of white and red Spanish wine and hopefully didn't distract our hostess too much, with our company. At the high kitchen table where we sat on bar stools, our conversation was light and bounced around for the recommended ten or so minutes before we got around to the compulsory question of “What do you do?”

I read somewhere, to try and wait awhile before asking someone how they make their living. Perhaps it is so that their real personality will shine through allowing you to learn about their hopes and dreams, their values and expectations and their affiliations and dedications. Surprisingly, this advice can make early conversations a little tricky. It can almost feel like talking to a stranger in your underwear. Are we are vulnerable without our cloak of profession?

But, since I always like a challenge and since I really do want to see the real person inside, I just smiled and listened to them tell me what they wanted to share, with as little leading as possible. I learned that the woman across from me was a parent. That news led to descriptions of her children and the special characteristics that described each of them. She was a multi-tasking parent, dealing with very different children in various emotional stages of life - a single mother of teenagers! She was also a sportswoman who enjoyed horseback riding and farm life. On top of all that, she was out there in the dating world and expounded on the trials and tribulations of trying to find someone suitable to get to know in a world of married people. I was getting a pretty clear picture of a vibrant, engaged and searching woman who had a nice smile and a hearty laugh. It turned out that she was also a veteran and had served in the Navy. That is where the marriage had happened and the children had come from – some handsome sailor who had won her heart - and they had made a go of it for many years, before the fall.

We were enjoying the good food and company and wine and the cheese – did I mention the black olives? It was hard to imagine that we would even have room to enjoy the very special Paella that was now fragrantly cooking in the oven. The smells drifting across the kitchen were enticing and the wine was flowing freely – I believe I even had a bottle mostly to myself there for a while. Eventually though, it just happened, and the new friend sitting across the table said that she worked as a Surgical Technician. She had been Navy trained – the best training, she said. Those Naval Hospital ships are where they send our boys when they are hurt overseas. They are on the cutting edge of technology (oh, excuse that pun!) She said that she had gotten the very best start for her wonderful career and at the same time, gotten to serve her country while she perfected her skills. But after her tour of duty ended she was able to segway right into civilian life and now she worked in private practice.

She told me that her days were always exciting. Every day brought something new and every thing that she did was important. As she told me about her job at an outpatient clinic affiliated and across the street from the Catholic Hospital in our city, I saw a love in her eyes akin to that which she had when she talked about her children. She was secure in both of her major roles in life – her job and her children. She loved her challenges. She helped change people's lives! She helped save people's lives!

All of a sudden, our conversation was interrupted by a beautiful platter of Paella being set down before us. It was a mound of fragrant, saffron flavored rice crowned with scallops, clams and shrimp, and decorated with lemon halves and olives. Amazingly, we were all hungry again and as we enjoyed the very special dinner, I continued to hear what it was like to be a surgical tech. It was wonderful to hear the passion in her voice and realize how important her work really was.

After I got home I googled the Navy Surgical Tech School in San Diego and shared the interesting website with my children – my two rising Seniors and three college aged sons who also want to give back and be counted. I can only hope that they too will find an avenue like my new friend, to be important and useful and fulfilled in this world.

As I look back on that evening, years from now, I believe it will be the nice friends and congenial conversation that will first come to mind. Of course, I will also remember the Paella, which was such a special treat, and made by my friend's capable and caring hands. I also think, that I might notice that after that evening, I didn't wait so long anymore, to ask, “What do you do?” I learned that evening, that even though you may talk all around it, learning of the gratification from a job well done, of a job enjoyed and valued may well prove to be outstanding and defining elements which will clearly describe someone's life. If you chose the right profession it will inherently describe your hopes and dreams, your values and expectations and your affiliations and dedications.